Wednesday, July 8

Is This a New Athia?

I'm torn between deciding to be selfish or selfless.

Typically, I'd pick being selfless, but my little gestures of martyrdom often go unnoticed by you. And fuck yeah, I want my sacrifices to be appreciated---especially when I work so hard all the freakin' time.

You are ... evil.

I'm trying not to be sad. I think I've done a pretty good job of it thus far, but things are catching up with me. I can't pretend for much longer.

But I know that you're sad, too. I know things are tough and sometimes you want to give up. Don't. We'll get through it.

Is this who I am now? Some positive, flighty creature? Where's all the angst and anger and hatred?

I spent so long being angry at everyone and everything and myself. Maybe now it's finally time to be loving and forgiving. Maybe I'm just growing up.

I'm still frustrated. I'm still stuck. I'm still in love without hope. I'm still the same frumpy, clumsy thing.

But I dunno if I've changed some...


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