Monday, May 18

I'm trying to be calm, when in fact, I just want to be a psycho bitch and throw a tantrum. Truly.

It's just...the thought of you and her together---you, pining over her. You, showing anything but indifference....it drives me mad. I don't even want to think about it.

Yet, that's all I can think of, really. And I don't even know why because it doesn't matter. It's irrelevant. You are irrelevant to how I should feel about me. But here I am, stewing in my own pot of crazy over whether or not you liked her and why and for how long and what you thought and what you felt and what's wrong with me.

Everything.

God, so damn needy, Athia

I don't even know. I don't even know why I'm reacting so much to something so silly.

Okay. So you might have liked her at some point. Big deal. That's none of my business. You can like or not like whomever you please. It has nothing to do with me.

I mean, but knowing that it was someone like her that caught your attention, makes me realize that I didn't stand a chance. I wish I had known sooner so I would have been more protective of my silly little heart.


I'm so stupid. I hate being so stupid. I'm acting like a child. You don't like me. I know. I understand. You can barely tolerate me. How can I blame you? There are days when I can barely tolerate myself...

Oh dear, I really have gone mad. What sane person acts like this? How absurd.

You are nothing to me. These 'ties' we have created aren't real---they're a part of my imagination. You and I are nothing to each other. Please, Athia, for your own sake, realize this.

I am nothing special to you. Just let it go, Athia. Let it go. Let it go.

Stop allowing yourself to get hurt, please.

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