Tuesday, April 7

Oh, To Drown In a Bowl of Soup...

I've been trying to come up with clever ways to kill myself that aren't utterly ridiculous.

Wow...I didn't realize how suicidal I sounded until just recently. I'm only joking, though. Death is something to joke about, not to mourn, not to let defeat you.

I joke about death a lot, at least in my head. To me, it's not morbid. It's essential when you think about life.

It isn't fear of death that enables me to try at life. It is an understanding that it has to happen and a realization that it's okay. I don't fear dying. If anything, I fear not living and not loving enough. But I suppose I have to qualify, because not living is essential being dead, in regards to the natural order of things. Hopefully, you can understand the difference between living (moving through mechanical motions, operating like wheels in a clog) and living (finding fulfillment, actualization, happiness, etc.). There is a distinct difference between the two.

You may think I follow the epicurean doctrine, but I don't. At my core, I'm not even a hedonist. I don't always seek pleasure, I seek feeling---regardless of whether or not it's good or bad. You have to feel something. Living in neutral lacks substance.

But to each his own, right? How can I judge your happiness? I won't.

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