Thursday, April 9

I have no one. I'm just going to stop pretending like anyone gives a shit about me, because I just end up hurting myself when you prove me wrong.

I'm done with 'creating ties'. I'm done being a good friend. When I need someone to listen, ACTUALLY listen, where the fuck do you all go?

Whatever. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need any of you.

Things are getting shitty and I'm trying not to kill myself. Things are getting bad and I'm trying to be okay. I'm trying, dammit. I'm trying to hold on a little longer until it gets better. I wanted your help.

But I don't need it. I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.




I never complained. I do everything you ask because you're my parents. I love and respect you. I never ask for anything, even if I do want it. I try not to burden you. I've always taken on responsibilities you're too busy to handle, even when I was just a kid.

For three years, I slept on the floor of your bedroom, and I never complained, not once. For three years I didn't have a place to put my clothes or books or study or be alone. I never complained. For three years I had to clean up after four extra people. I never complained. For three years I listened to you gripe and bitch and moan about how they were exploiting your hospitality. I never complained.

Now you want to do this to me again, even though you know how I feel about her. You tell me to leave. You love your sister more than your daughter. You are a bad mother. You are a bad mother. You are not my mother. I've never needed you.

I never complained when you weren't there for me. I never complained that I was raised in front of the television set. I never complained that I'm your fucking slave. I never complained when you forced me to study something I don't like.I never complained when you made me feel guilty for thinking I deserved happiness. I never complained when you shot me down over and over again. I never complained. I just took all your negativity. I just listened to you. I just gave and gave and gave and you kept taking and taking and taking.

There isn't much left of me. But I'll give the rest to you anyway.

Take it. I have nothing anyway.

I use to think that it was okay. You could hate me. I still have my friends, right? Those people you find who become family? Those people you find who make life amazing, who make it worth living, who make it worth loving?

I don't even have them.

I have nothing.

I don't need you. I don't need you. I don't need you.

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