Monday, April 27
Has It Really Been So Long?
I checked my facebook inbox this morning. Guess what I found?
A letter from SLC. Yeah. What betches.
It wasn't anything important. I never had the heart to un-join the SLC 2012 group, so they were sending out announcements of all the wonderful shit they've done this past school year. Freakin' fantastic.
Whatever. I'm trying to be happy where I am. I'm trying to love the times before they get bad again. So I will.
I should be attracted to good Muslim boys---says bestie, Anam. But every time a decent one comes along, I always think of someone else they'd match up nicely with. Apparently, Mohammad was a 'good catch' but instead of fancying the boy myself, Jeremy and I paired him up with Anam---in my own little world, mind you. And now this 'nerdy-hot' guy who teaches Sunday school kids and goes to UCF and who Anam & Amber approve of comes out of nowhere, and I think to pair him up with Rafiya. Sigh.
Maybe it's because once you meet that good Muslim boy, you know that this it it. This is the end of your life. You can just forget about living on your own in a sexy little loft with french doors and white china. You can just forget about doing your own thang.
It's easier to like someone you can't imagine a future with, because---as selfish as this sounds---your future will still be yours. (Yes, I know that we would have no future in bizzaro universe where you actually adored me. Not only would we kill eachother, but I'm pretty sure our families would be very upset, maybe even a little disappointed. That's the best you could do, daughter/son?)
And quite honestly, I don't want to get married any time in the near future. Or ...at all. It's scary and awkward and I don't want to and you can't make me! NO. NO. NO.
But I do want kids. I want to give a home and a future and as much of my heart as to as many kids as I possible can. They deserve nothing less. Children are not bad. They just need patience and love and opportunity.
Maybe I'll start up an orphanage with Lord Byron...
Okay, no. I won't. At least, not with Lord Byron.
School will be over soon. I will have completed my first year of college. What have I done? What has become of me?
I dunno. But today, I like me. I can't really say how I'll feel tomorrow, but right now, I like Athia. She's an alright kinda gal.
P.S. I'll write a poem later today. I'd like to write one in the library.