Sunday, March 29
Not Seeing Beyond Myself...
I don’t know if I have renewed vigor, or if I just want to give up and die. I dunno, honest. It’s all obscenely menial.
I’m trying to be logical about the whole thing, because I hate losing friends over trifles. But I don’t think I can hold on to this one much longer, regardless of how much I happen to love her. Everything has an end and my only option is to embrace change.
Change along with the chord progression, I say.
Please don’t make me admit to being the fool. My ego can only take so many blows at a time.
If anything, I would have googled the shit out of your pop culture reference by now, and I’d like you to play along as if I always knew what you were talking about. Don’t call me out on my ignorance. It’ll be my greatest shame.
I really should learn to move past this. . .otherwise, I’m just as bad as the Little Prince’s flower. Except, I have no little prince to humor my ‘dying’ coughs.
Live high, live mighty, live righteously.
Take it easy.
That’s really all I want. Live it up righteously. Perhaps I should join a covenant, or cult, or some other massive form of group think. Group think works wonderfully---just ask the Germans.
I love you very much.
I’m afraid that I won’t love enough. I’m beginning to think that the only purpose in life is to love as much as you can. Everything else falls into place once you allow yourself to love and be loved. Everything becomes more poignant---the hurt, the heal, the promise of better. Sometimes I don’t think I’m strong enough to love everyone---hate is a weakness.
Do not succumb.
And then I think of my brother and say, ‘fuck it. It’s too hard to love assholes.’
P.S. I love me.
P.P.S. Me is awesome.
P.P.P.S. Sometimes. . .