Thursday, May 29

Nostalgia Part .01

I think the world doesn’t make sense anymore.
Not that it did before or anything remarkable.

I’m at my aunt’s house again, sleeping on the same hard tile, watching Finding Nemo for the fourth time today.

Oh, nostalgia, how you slay me. I suppose I should do a wrap up of high school----burry it and hope it doesn’t come back like some deranged zombie hell-bent on feeding off my worst memories.

It wasn’t all that bad though. Well, actually, it sucked. Supremely. Is it sad that my fondest school memories are of SGS? I should have taken Vera seriously when she said Sampson would be the best years of my life--- but then again, I was still a rebellious kid who thought that Linkin Park was the end all be all of music and that dying silver streaks in my hair was cool.

I’ve done a lot of stupid things. Most of them were the product of rash thinking and want of attention.

But this year was something else. This year, I plunged into the unknown not because I was bored, or wanted mommy and daddy to notice me. I did it for myself. I figured it was my last chance, and that grades were just retarded confinements set up for a system ruled by fascists (alright, nothing quite that radical) . And sure, the more riske among us will call my spontaneity weak…but I’ll have you know dear, it was epic.

I was never prepared to make my own decisions. I wasn’t even prepared to stand up for myself. Something that, to a normal human being, would seem common or insignificant----like an audition or a college application or even a conversation with a stranger---was completely out of my realm. I did a lot of things that many girls with my background and breeding would never dare. Yes, I’m still under parental supervision. Yes, I still yearn for their approval. But I’m learning that in order to be happy, I have to do the things that make me happy---even if it’s not conventional.

Who needs conventional happiness anyway, ey?

I think I’m beginning to like the person that I am. I’m in that place right now. You know, that place where things are just sitting in the perfect spot and you just hope to god that the tide doesn’t change and wreck everything? Yeah, that’s the one.

This isn’t even a tiny chunk of what I want to say, but my aunt is telling me that sleep calls, and if I’ve learned anything at all in my lifetime, it’s not to upset a cranky Asian woman.


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